It's been a while... again

OK, so I really suck at updating this damn thing, I know. But in my defense, I haven't really had a consistent connection to the internet at home until fairly recently. And I can't exactly do this at work and I'm not making a special trip to the library for it. So there you have it.


Now that we have my lame excuses out of the way, an update! Huzzah!


So I recently returned from a trip to Italy, where I was vacationing with various family members. I could go over the details, but words cannot express the joy I've been feeling. I love my family, I truly do. They are eccentric and loud and sometimes drive me out of my mind but I love them just the same. On this particular trip, I spent a good portion of my time at my great aunt Mimi's house, which is less of a house and more of an estate with huge gardens (that she still tends to all by herself even though she's in her 90s). It's a beautiful place, but still needs to be fixed up. The front gates have rusted a little, the front porch has a marble sized hole that I caught my pants on more than once, and most of the windows look like they haven't been cleaned in a spell. It's kind of sad in a way because you can see what the house used to be. But Mimi is old and lives alone (except for a nurse who visits a couple times a day) and in a weird way, the house sort of matches her -- on its last legs, but still standing firm somehow. I love this woman so much. She lived through devastating wars and social upheaval time and time again and has an endless supply of stories. She loves opera and we listened to Don Carlos, and it was absolutely beautiful. The only opera I've ever seen is La Boheme, which she balked at immediately, and insisted that we go to the opera together sometime. I agreed, and even though I was sure this would never happen because I didn't know when I would be able to return to Italy and God only knows how much time she actually has left, and I prayed that I would be able to make it happen.


I had a lot of aunts and uncles and counsins to meet on Christmas Eve and Christmas (we all went to Midnight Mass together and I felt like such a tourist, more interested in the architecture of the church than the service itself even though the service was rather moving).



I did some bike riding and sight seeing and spent New Year's in Rome (which was only a 2 hour train ride!) and I had maybe the best trip of my life. I definitely plan on returning, perhaps in the fall. I want to spend more time in Rome and possibly visit Greece again. There's so much I want to do! One of my cousins, Marta, lives in London and is living The Dream: working as a journalist and travelling to so many places all over the word. She was a nice reminder that I need to keep moving my life towards a certain directon and give up a lot of old vices: second-guessing myself, settling with less than what I want, getting trapped in a spiral of negativity. I need to stop blaming others for what happens in my own life. I need to stop being so pessimistic about my work load. I need to change my life. That, of course, will take baby steps.



Step 1: Take more time to be there for my friends. I love them. They support me. And even when I don't deserve it. They're my family now; it's time I started acting like it.



Step 2: Make a serious effort to find a new job in my field. I've cooled off on that, mostly because of how busy I've been and how focused on school I've been. But that doesn't mean I should stop looking altogether. Life is hard, I'll never make it if I settle for a job that is, at best, "adequate" -- and also not what I want to do with me life in the least.



Step 3: Be more honest with people about what I want and what I think about them. And be more forgiving. I've decided to take any resentment I was feeling in '08 and expelling it. I don't need it anymore. I don't need to upset myself over petty nonsense anymore. I don't need to get so involved with drama -- be it in the workplace or in my circle of friends -- that I let it consume my life. I'm an adult and I'm determined to act like one now, despite how others around me may act.



Step 4: Try something new all the time. Get involved in the world. Donate my time to worthy causes. Try out new restaurants that I normally wouldn't. Explore more parts of the city. Make more trips to NYC -- and possibly Boston, finally. Maybe even travel to Chicago or Philly for the weekend -- for no other reason than to just GO SOMEWHERE. Open myself to new music. Go to the theater. Visit more museums. Read more books for pleasure. Go out dancing! Find new exciting recipes to try out. Be more physically active. Don't be opposed to new people entering my life.



Step 5: Appreciate the small pleasures in life -- a really funny inside joke between friends, jumping in puddles on rainy days, cupcakes, my favorite shows (lost, the office, 30 rock, 24), a clean apartment, messing around with my pup, sushi, chai tea, tina fey (who is my hero, along with her character, liz lemon, on 30 rock), cheesecake, the fact I now live in the same city as Barack Obama, she & him, my comfy couch, any song by nick drake, cheap delicious hot beverages from dunkin donuts.......... and sleeping in on saturday mornings.



Most of these are not overnight changes. These are progressions I plan on working on from here on out, which is why I don't want to call these "resolutions." Because that's putting a time stamp on them, and by doing this it will fail under the heavy weight of pressure. Not this time.



But I guess most importantly, I'm realizing what means most. And I'm moving in the right direction, even if I'm not quite there yet. And even if I won't be there for a while, I guess it's the journey I'm looking forward to the most!



So here I come, life.... this is going to be a kickass year! :)