Stretch out and wait...

So it's been awhile, as per usual. I try to keep up with this blog but to be honest, I prefer my written journal and sometimes I even forget this thing exists. Sometimes, however, it feels good to put down my thoughts and aspirations out there for the world to see... like maybe the world is my therapist. And while I truly doubt anyone will want to read this thing, it's still nice to have it.



And now it's lunchtime and I'm spending it in my office, eating tomato soup and a bagel and sitting here in front of this computer. My office, by the way, now being NPR. So there's that new update, and it's nice to finally have school behind me and to be moving forward. Some days, I still feel stagnant because I'm still in the same general place I have been. There have been some great experiences, but nothing life shaking. I'm kind of ready for something big to happen, but I don't know what. I guess I'll know when it happens. There are moments where I think all I'm doing is watching other people live while I just sit back and play my part. Other times, I think that I put too much pressure on myself. I'm about to turn 26 and I guess that's kind of scary because I thought my life would be very different at this point. I'm not a kid anymore, but most days I don't really feel like I've truly step into the role as an "adult." I certainly don't feel as self-sufficient as I should be.



But hey, I do like my life. I am surrounded by people I care about and care about me, I have great music and books everywhere, and have rededicated myself to buying more records and, as such, I'm taking a break from iTunes albums and CDs. I've started running again. I'm going to try to drink less (I've been a bit crazy over the summer) and eat better. Last night, after an extremely long day, I came home to my puppy dog, curled up with him in bed, and listened to some old tunes by Bessie Smith, Erroll Garner, Count Basie, and Fats Waller and it was lovely. With me, it really is the small things.


And now it seems my lunch is drawing to a close, and so must this update. But before I go, a few recommendations for those who are interested. Two of the best movies I saw this summer were not blockbusters, but both were amazing in very different ways. If you have the opportunity, see The Hurt Locker and/or Away We Go. I saw them recently at the E Street Cinema and was taken by surprise by the flow of emotion each of these films stirred within me -- even the latter, which comes off as another one of those formulaic indie flicks that have been oh-so-popular the last few years. But if you look, you'll see something deeper with more heart. There's something that rings so true. And I thind you'd all love it. And if you don't, I kind of feel bad for the state of your heart. Now, as far as The Hurt Locker goes, words cannot express how strongly I feel about this film. So I won't even try. Just see it. And if you want a date, call me.

Music wise, I'm obsessed with The Replacements and Paul Westerberg right now. And Okkervil River. And The Troggs. Check 'em out. You won't regret it... I hope. Also, I am really excited about the Monsters of Folk album coming out in September consisting of M. Ward, Jim James (of My Morning Jacket), and Conor Oberst (who I love love LOVE as a solo artist but not so much as the frontman for Bright Eyes, which is a little too lo-fi for me). It's supposed to be amazing. I also need to check out the George Harrison tribute record Jim James put out. Ah, I love music!!!!!!!

And finally, book wise, I am in the middle of reading of two books that I can hardly put down: The Plague by Albert Camus and The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon (two authors I adore, by the way). Full reviews will possibly be posted when I am done... if I can remember to do so.

And now worker bees have to go back to buzzing. It's was nice spending my break with you.
Yours,
N

Update Central

As per usual, it's been a while since I've written a post here, but not as long as I usually go so kudos to me! Things are going well: work's ok, school's almost done (3 more months to go!), and my new position at NPR is just around the corner! I'm pretty jazzed about all the new opportunities circling around me -- plus, I've been seeing more of some dear friends and making real steps towards what I want to do in my post-Graduate life. I found a program that will allow me to volunteer in Sudan for either 6 weeks or 3 months, and it's pretty affordable. I've been wanting to do something like this for so long, at this point all I need to do is save the money for it! Granted, that's easier said than done, but it's something I really really want to do so I have to prioritize it. My whole tax refund is going into my "Africa fund" and I am making myself put a certain amount away every month so I figure by the end of summer, I should have more than enough saved.... so maybe by the fall -- if nothing drastic happens -- I'll be on my way! I'm really excited about this, I feel like this is really going to happen and that it's going to be one of those dramatic life-changing experience that will help shape the person I want to be. I can't wait!

I guess nothing new is happening. I was on a kick where I was trying to see all the Oscar films before the awards show, but I became lazy (and broke) so that sort of fell apart... though I have managed to see a few of them and will see one more on Sunday (Revolutionary Road) right before the show airs. I always get so giddy over the Oscars, inspite of myself. I can't help it. It's that little filmmaker inside of me whose heart still skips a beat over "movie magic".... the ghost of film school will never leave me, apparently.

And now I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend filled with studying, grocery shopping, and cleaning (with brief breaks spent having dinner with a friend and her parents and a Sunday date with Ms. Sarah Blair). No drinking or wild nights out; I think I need to give my nerves, pocket book, and general health a rest!

PS - My lovely friend Stavawn just had a lovely baby and I can't wait to visit them this coming week! Also, Mos Def is playing at the 930 Club this coming Monday... anyone interested in joining me?

Our Country's Proudest Moment

Saying that yesterday was one of the best days in this nation's history would be one of the biggest understatements of all time, but I will say this: I have scarcely ever felt this kind of joy or pride for any one moment in my life. When Obama was sworn in as this nation's newest President, I had tears in my eyes (and not just from the bitter cold) and my heart felt -- for lack of a better word -- full. There has never been such a distinct beginning of a positive era during my lifetime and I'm honestly not sure if there ever will be again. I was alive to see this day happen and that it wasn't just some event that would be honored by my children -- and I am happy that I was living in the nation's capitol while it all happened! Being downtown with everyone, sharing in this moment, being surrounded by the energy in the air -- hearing those golden words as Obama accepted the Presidency.... it was one of the best experiences I've ever been honored to be apart of. I won't compare Obama to some sort of god or hold him up to unrealistic standards, but I will say this: I believe this country in entering a golden age. Maybe not necessarily of prosperity because I know how messed up our economy is and I understand how long it will be before it is fixed, but perhaps a golden age of understanding and acceptance and tolerance. I feel like things are shifting, finally, and people are ready to accept that the world needs to change to be a better place. I am so proud and so happy to live in the US right now! And I can only hope and pray that things will only go up from here. :)

Africa Calling

OK, it's 1:30 AM and I'm still awake and unable to sleep -- which is unfortunate because Friday is supposed to be a long day involving getting up for work at 5:30 AM, going out to dinner with friends after work, seeing a movie in cold dark theater (which always makes me sleepy anyway), and whatever else... I'm definitely going to need a nap between getting out of work and going out to dinner. For serious.

But, onto other things: No, this is not another rant about Comcast... my apologies, by the way, to anyone who actually read that. I'm no less angry than I was when I wrote it, truth be told, but I realize how silly it is to be so upset about something you can't control -- especially something that doesn't matter all that much in the Big Picture.

And speaking of the Big Picture, I've made an important decision: no matter what promises I make to myself that I don't follow through on (and hopefully that list is relatively short), I will be volunteering overseas this year. My preference is Africa, either South or West. Saying "I want to make a difference" seems like such a cliche, but it's a true one -- though more importantly after reading a lot about the atrocities going on over there and watching various documentaries and talking to people who have done volunteer work already, I've decided it's time I stop talking about *wanting* to do something and actually *do* something. There are a few opportunities I'm looking into through AU's Amnesty International branch, but there are a few other organizations I'm looking into. I really want to volunteer in Sudan or Kenya, either with HIV/AIDS relief or volunteer in an orphanage or in some teaching/civil service position. I want to go as early as August or sometime in early fall. I'm really excited about it but there's so much to look into -- immunizations, updating my passport, saving up the money, figuring out what organization I want to work with and which opportunity is the best for me. I know that I'm still young, but I'm really not THAT young anymore and I keep feeling like I only have so many years that I'll be able to go out and do something like this. The older I become, the more obligations I'll have. After I graduate, especially, that will be the perfect window: I'll finally be able to do the things I have always wanted to do without too much holding me back -- no kids, no husband, no school. I don't want this to be one of those things I say I'll do one day and then look back years later and regret not making more of a contribution.

Anyway, that's what's on my mind. And that's what I'm putting my energy into -- at least, whatever energy is leftover from school kicking my ass. Wish me luck.

Comcast: The Soul-Suckers

I don't know why I hate Comcast as much as I do... oh, wait, yes I do:

They never do what I need them to do.

Now, the old Natacia would have gone on a pages long rant about everything they have done to wrong me lately... but not this new optimistic Natacia. All I will say is this: I do not understand why they make everything so damn hard. I have a new TV (yes, it's HD, even though I told myself I would never fall into that fad -- but to be fair, it's pretty clear at this point that it's not so much a fad and more of a electronic way of life) and as such I decided to upgrade to HD cable. Seems simple enough, right? I mean, I told them that I am UPGRADING and giving them MORE MONEY so why wouldn't they bend over backwards to give me what I want? First they tell me they don't have any HD boxes and then magically they had a bunch more the next day. Fine. They tell me I have to return my regular box to them and switch it out for the new one. Fine. They tell me I have to go to the center at Michigan Avenue to get said box (or it'll be delivered in like a week or something crazy like that). Fine. So I do all this (though my landlord David was nice enough to make the trip to Michigan Ave since it's closer to his job than mine) and I recieve the HD box tonight.... but that's all it is -- just the box. Nothing else. No cables or wires except for one. Nothing to connect it to the TV. No HDMI cable... NOTHING. All the shit I got from the original cable box, I sent back -- and even if I hadn't, the other box didn't come with any HDMI CABLES!!!! So what the crap am I supposed to do? Buy my own??? I'm pretty sure Comcast is supposed to provide that sort of shit. I mean, they did with the regular cable box, why would this be any different? Especially since this damn box was like a $100 deposit. This is ridiculous. And now it's too late to call Comcast since their office is closed and it's almost the weekend AND SINCE MONDAY AND TUESDAY ARE GOVERNMENT HOLIDAYS I WOULD BET ANYTHING THEIR OFFICES WILL BE CLOSED TILL WEDNESDAY! And I swear on all that is holy that if this shit is not fixed by Wednesday, for the premiere of Lost, I will start chopping mother fucking heads like Lucy Liu in the first Kill Bill movie!!!

OK, I lied. I ranted. So what! I'm pissed! FUCK YOU, COMCAST!!!!

I would also like to add that the internet connection has been shaky at best with these assholes and everytime they send some idiot tech over here, the guy always seems totally baffled and/or annoyed that he's being forced to do his job. It's fucking ridiculous!

When the fuck is Verizon Fios coming to my neighborhood? Sweet Jesus.

And....... now I'm done. Serenity now.




PS: If Comcast isn't bending over backwards to help me when I call tomorrow, expect another rant. I'm serious.

It's been a while... again

OK, so I really suck at updating this damn thing, I know. But in my defense, I haven't really had a consistent connection to the internet at home until fairly recently. And I can't exactly do this at work and I'm not making a special trip to the library for it. So there you have it.


Now that we have my lame excuses out of the way, an update! Huzzah!


So I recently returned from a trip to Italy, where I was vacationing with various family members. I could go over the details, but words cannot express the joy I've been feeling. I love my family, I truly do. They are eccentric and loud and sometimes drive me out of my mind but I love them just the same. On this particular trip, I spent a good portion of my time at my great aunt Mimi's house, which is less of a house and more of an estate with huge gardens (that she still tends to all by herself even though she's in her 90s). It's a beautiful place, but still needs to be fixed up. The front gates have rusted a little, the front porch has a marble sized hole that I caught my pants on more than once, and most of the windows look like they haven't been cleaned in a spell. It's kind of sad in a way because you can see what the house used to be. But Mimi is old and lives alone (except for a nurse who visits a couple times a day) and in a weird way, the house sort of matches her -- on its last legs, but still standing firm somehow. I love this woman so much. She lived through devastating wars and social upheaval time and time again and has an endless supply of stories. She loves opera and we listened to Don Carlos, and it was absolutely beautiful. The only opera I've ever seen is La Boheme, which she balked at immediately, and insisted that we go to the opera together sometime. I agreed, and even though I was sure this would never happen because I didn't know when I would be able to return to Italy and God only knows how much time she actually has left, and I prayed that I would be able to make it happen.


I had a lot of aunts and uncles and counsins to meet on Christmas Eve and Christmas (we all went to Midnight Mass together and I felt like such a tourist, more interested in the architecture of the church than the service itself even though the service was rather moving).



I did some bike riding and sight seeing and spent New Year's in Rome (which was only a 2 hour train ride!) and I had maybe the best trip of my life. I definitely plan on returning, perhaps in the fall. I want to spend more time in Rome and possibly visit Greece again. There's so much I want to do! One of my cousins, Marta, lives in London and is living The Dream: working as a journalist and travelling to so many places all over the word. She was a nice reminder that I need to keep moving my life towards a certain directon and give up a lot of old vices: second-guessing myself, settling with less than what I want, getting trapped in a spiral of negativity. I need to stop blaming others for what happens in my own life. I need to stop being so pessimistic about my work load. I need to change my life. That, of course, will take baby steps.



Step 1: Take more time to be there for my friends. I love them. They support me. And even when I don't deserve it. They're my family now; it's time I started acting like it.



Step 2: Make a serious effort to find a new job in my field. I've cooled off on that, mostly because of how busy I've been and how focused on school I've been. But that doesn't mean I should stop looking altogether. Life is hard, I'll never make it if I settle for a job that is, at best, "adequate" -- and also not what I want to do with me life in the least.



Step 3: Be more honest with people about what I want and what I think about them. And be more forgiving. I've decided to take any resentment I was feeling in '08 and expelling it. I don't need it anymore. I don't need to upset myself over petty nonsense anymore. I don't need to get so involved with drama -- be it in the workplace or in my circle of friends -- that I let it consume my life. I'm an adult and I'm determined to act like one now, despite how others around me may act.



Step 4: Try something new all the time. Get involved in the world. Donate my time to worthy causes. Try out new restaurants that I normally wouldn't. Explore more parts of the city. Make more trips to NYC -- and possibly Boston, finally. Maybe even travel to Chicago or Philly for the weekend -- for no other reason than to just GO SOMEWHERE. Open myself to new music. Go to the theater. Visit more museums. Read more books for pleasure. Go out dancing! Find new exciting recipes to try out. Be more physically active. Don't be opposed to new people entering my life.



Step 5: Appreciate the small pleasures in life -- a really funny inside joke between friends, jumping in puddles on rainy days, cupcakes, my favorite shows (lost, the office, 30 rock, 24), a clean apartment, messing around with my pup, sushi, chai tea, tina fey (who is my hero, along with her character, liz lemon, on 30 rock), cheesecake, the fact I now live in the same city as Barack Obama, she & him, my comfy couch, any song by nick drake, cheap delicious hot beverages from dunkin donuts.......... and sleeping in on saturday mornings.



Most of these are not overnight changes. These are progressions I plan on working on from here on out, which is why I don't want to call these "resolutions." Because that's putting a time stamp on them, and by doing this it will fail under the heavy weight of pressure. Not this time.



But I guess most importantly, I'm realizing what means most. And I'm moving in the right direction, even if I'm not quite there yet. And even if I won't be there for a while, I guess it's the journey I'm looking forward to the most!



So here I come, life.... this is going to be a kickass year! :)

Lately

So I've gotten to a point where I am getting burned out and I'm not sure what to do about it. I think the biggest issue is, while I have been in between apartments, I've been living with my brother in Woodbridge.... which is a good hour and 15 min commute to work & school. Which makes for very long, exhausting days. But even without that, the combination of school, work, and the internship is starting to pile up more everyday. I know I'll get through it -- I've done it before -- but I'm just so tired all the time. At least I have weekends off now (finally) and next weekend I'm moving into my new place (which is right down the street from both AU and the hospital) so things will be a lot lighter I hope. This research project I'm working on is also taking much of my time, but it's also been keeping me centered.

The only bummer is I never see my friends anymore. And I'm starting to realize that even when I move back to the city, I probably still won't because things are so hectic now. That's the price you have to pay, I guess... with this tumbling economy, I need this to get some sense of real job security. Also, this is what I love -- NPR has helped me to not only learn more about new broadcasting, but I've actually been out there, on site, doing it. AU has been amazing for me. However, it looks like I have to make sacrifices. I can't get everything.

I'm looking forward to the holidays and seeing my mom again. I miss her a lot more than I thought I would. She doesn't call me as much and I know that's a good thing, but I really miss her a lot.

Also, this past week, a friend has been going through a real tragedy and it's making me understand the importance of family.

Anyway, I need to get back to work. The clock is ticking and it never stops.