Dear Prudence, See The Sunny Sky

Things, sometimes, change so quickly you don't know what to do or how to act. And sometimes things go back to the way you need them to be -- and also they are somehow different. I feel like I stepped into a time machine and went backwards these last couple of days, seeing old faces that I didn't even realize I missed. But the past has been altered somewhat in odd ways. So many of the people around me have made these amazing steps forward in their lives, no longer being slaves to the shadow of what used to be.

Life changes so fast and still moves so slow.

I like where I am right now. I really do. This is the realization that came to me Fri night while I sat on the couch at Will & Morgan's, surrounded by people that bring out the good in me. And then again, yesterday, when I spent the day with old friends that I love more than they will ever know -- the type of people that inspire you, appreciate the simple beauty that life has to offer, and enrich that life all the more. I feel so happy, I feel like I could burst!

Also, this summer is shaping up to be amazing. Camping, the 4th of July (my favorite holiday!), birthday celebrations, concerts, summer movies (which, I will readily admit, I look forward to every year like every other film-o-holic out there), sunny skies, mini trips to the west coast and upstate NY and hopefully NYC, more weekends in Herndon (did I mention the Herndon Festival?), and as much time as I can spare with the Dumas and with others that I don't see nearly often enough.

I feel like I am loved. It feels weird saying that, but the feeling is so concentrated right now. I feel open to so much, like I'm ready to tackle so many new and exciting things. Life is far from perfect, but I'm returning to my old self -- accepting that there are certain things that I can't change and appreciating the things in my life that I love.

As the song goes, "I get by with a little help from my friends."

OH!

Did I forget to mention that last week, at work (and totally randomly), I met the godchild of Edward R. Murrow? I talked her head off for like half an hour and she seemed so excited that I a) knew who he was and b) was so obsessed with him.

Just thought I'd say that because it pretty much made not just my week, but my life.

Why does it take so long?

I don't know why I'm writing there now but I have realized that my poor blog has suffered due to my unrelenting laziness. How can a person be so busy and so lazy at the same time? There have been a lot of changes -- and more changes to come! I'm going through the usual soul-searching, but I am much more comfortable with myself and so much more comfortable being alone. I spend most of my free time at home, alone, reading or watching a movie and I love it that way. Lee keeps me incredibly entertained! School is going very well, and I am so glad I have decided to go into journalism because done the right way it is such a service to the community and to the world. I've realized who my friends are, and who I can really count on, and that feels so nice. I don't need anybody else and, frankly, I don't want anybody else. I have so little patience for anyone I don't already care about and I just don't feel like making anymore room for anyone else -- I'm such a hermit in the respect! -- but it's nice being more responsible, quiet, and at ease. My job is well... it's a job. And I definitely don't plan on staying there forever. I will say that two things I'm sad about are:

a) a friend I have very recently come to truly trust and value is leaving me for New York (the state, not the city)

b) I'll have to wait till August to see my dad, San Diego, and (hopefully) Seattle

c) I pretty much know exactly what I want to do in life, finally, and where I want to be, and I have to wait like 2 more years for that to actually happen.

But that aside, things are good. I watch so many movies, it's ridiculous and I've never loved Netflix as much as I do right now. Soon I'll change my movies and books and such on the sidebar to match what I've been into lately but I'm too lazy (that word again!) so I'll do it later.

I'm glad I've been spending time lately with the people who matter. I'm glad that I'm finally feeling more centered.

I'll update better later... I promise. When I'm not so... well, you know.

Here I Am Again

It's been a while since I"ve written a blog, but here I am! So much has changed, and yet so LITTLE has changed. I'm settling in my new place in DC (near the convention center and chinatown, sweet!) and school starts next week. I feel like lately I've felt so negative about so many things in my life and I keep blaming it on so many things... but it's like, there are some things in life you can't change and you can either dwell on that or you can deal with it. Finally I'm choosing the latter. I'm going to stop whining, cursing the heavens, drinking my sorrows away. This weekend it was nice just being around people who make me realize there is some good to be found in life, even if it's in the little things. Ice skating in the Sculpture Gardens, visiting the Smithsonian museums, grabbing a drink (just one, not getting fucking plastered) with friends in Chinatown, seeing a movie, spending time alone to watch your favorite movies at home and listening to a favorite album that you forgot about. There is so much peace to be found in life. And I'm so glad that I'm ready to focus on those things now.

I guess I should update more on this, but I'm on a break at work and need to get back to business. There's more to say, so much more, and it will come... but this, I felt I needed to say.

Love you all. Life is good.

-Natacia

I'll be home in 9 days

And it all feels so surreal. It feels like Santa Fe has been a dream, and I'm about to wake up. I never thought I'd look forward to returning home so much. And... I never thought I'd think of Northern VA/DC as my "home." I never thought I'd consider any place my home this early in life. My whole life I've travelled and relocated and wandered, it feels right that I'm ready to settle down a little bit. Not forever, mind you, but I've finally found a place where I feel I can stay still for a little while. It's not stagnant if you're working on progressing, right? I mean, I'll be at the same job, but I'll be going to school and studying something I'm loving more everyday. And I think my new roommate (Rachel) is amazing and I've missed my friends and family a lot. True, my mom is leaving the country soon for bigger and better things (mainly, retirement in Italy) but at least I'll get to spend a little more time with her before she moves away. This definitely feels right. This is the best thing for me right now... and I can't wait to come back!

I can't believe it.

My grandfather passed away this morning. And I'm really really sad. I didn't get to know him that well, and the man wasn't that great in general as far as the way he treated people and how bigoted he could be... but he was still my grandfather and I hate that he died in that big house all alone. :(

This makes me want to be back home with the people I love all the more.

So much has happened...

...Since my last post. I don't know where to start. I guess I'll just say... one of my first pick universities (American U.), which wait listed me just like NYU did, wants me to enroll. Which would mean picking up and moving yet again. And soon because I feel like if AU wants me I'd rather just withdraw and actually get SOME money back from U of NM instead of wasting an entire year of tuition. And I have only a couple of days to make this life-altering decision. The cons of moving back home would be:

*Giving up the peace and quiet that I've gotten used to
*Not getting to work with the Film Commission of Santa Fe
*Giving up this amazing house that's costing me very very little financially
*No more trips to Taos
*Won't be living close to my dad anymore (again)
*Washing away all the work I've put into my program so far
*The strong possibility that I'll have to give up that BBC internship

The pros would be:

*Being with my friends again, who I miss so much it hurts
*Joining one of the best Journalism and International studies programs in the nation
*Living with Rachel, who is pretty much one of my favorite people ever
*Guaranteed work with really good wages
*More things to do (with what little spare time I'll have)
*More career opportunities in my field
*Having a place to keep my puppy (if I return to the hospital, which I probably will, at first) so he doesn't have to be stuck alone in a crate all day and will have a whole staff of people loving on him constantly

So I have a lot to think about! Anyone want to give me some advise...?