I keep forgetting

...just how much I love Blackstar. Wow. I really don't understand why hip hop can't always be like this. Music should be *about* something, not just getting laid or getting rich -- which, honestly, is like 90% of rap music these days.

Even The Ramones were about something, even if it was social disruption. And Sex Pistols, yes, that's pretty angry stuff, but it wasn't anger for the sake of anger. And it certainly wasn't all, "Fuck bitches" this and " Busting caps" that. Ugh. How is that art?

Random, I know, but there you have it. My $0.02.

Music doesn't lie

I don't post on here nearly as often as I should.... and I feel that when I do, it's all over the place. One day I'm hot, one day I'm cold. One day all is right with the world, and others I want to burn everything to the ground. And see, I suppose the thing is I only post when I'm feeling emotional about things -- never for the little things. And far too often, it's when I'm upset or stressed out. Today I'm neither -- and I'm not particularly elated about anything either. I'm sitting here, slowly but surely downloading my music collection onto iTunes and listening to a few of my favorite songs (such as "Happiness Is A Warm Gun" as sung by Joe Anderson). I'm reminiscing on how certain songs remind me of certain period in my life. Example: Across the Universe (the movie/soundtrack) will always remind of my months in New Mexico. It came at a time when I was lonely and missing the east coast -- and not just for its people, but for its charm. It came at the right time. Across the Universe, for me, was a mini-salvation, an awakening, a celebration. It was a kiss when I had no one to kiss (metaphorically speaking, of course). It opened my eyes to a few things and helped the loneliness weaken its hold on me. Or, right now, "Like A Stone" by Audioslave is playing and that song will always remind me of the jukebox machine at Charlie's Pub in Boston and wailing out the lyrics, while my friends and I were filled with rum and coke (because it was the easiest drink to fool the waitress who was being a stickler about our underaged status), and really believing that we sounded *just* like Chris Cornell... when, sadly, we were butchering the poor song. "Tuesday's Gone" reminds me of being sixteen, sitting in my room after school and lying on my bed while I stared up at the ceiling and dreamed of leaving all this behind and hitchhiking to the West -- a dream that is still there, pushed back to a farther part of my mind... but it's still there nonetheless.

It's funny how music can have such an affect on my mind, my senses, my soul, my heart. It's almost a physical thing. I associate almost everything with music -- I don't even do that with movies and I adore film. If the right song plays when I'm feeling out of sorts, it can help me get through whatever has put me in that state. There are certain songs that have the power to bring me to tears possibly from sadness, from joy or from dispair. Music can heal and it can also destroy. I cannot imagine a life without it.

Where would I be without Bob Dylan? The Beatles? The Velvet Underground? Emmylou Harris? It's crazy to even think about. So I guess I won't.

I guess I have time today to think about these things. Which is nice, since usually I hardly ever have time for this sort of thought process. And sometimes, in an age when the economy is rapidly crashing and ignorance and violence surround us, it's nice to have something to hold on to... and even if music isn't tangible, something doesn't always have to be to be able to touch you.

"You are the music while the music lasts."
-T.S. Eliot

Current Song:

"I Will Go Quietly" - Shivaree

He did it!

Despite everything that has gone on this week, there is one big bright shining star...

Barack clinched the nomination. He is one huge step closer to being our next President and making history. No amount of celebration would be enough to cover just how excited I am right now! More and more, I believe that the Universe does in fact even out. :)

Now, the question is: Who is going to be his running mate? Personally, I hope it's going to be John Edwards. I feel as though that's a combination that cannot be beat and Clinton has already burned that bridge. Yes, it's all just politics, but eventually some of these actions must be taken personally... right?

Anyway, I'm happy. I really needed to feel good about something this week.

How can it be....

....that some people are so amazing and some people are so terrible? Why do I find myself wondering about the lack of real balance in the Universe? Certain people just don't deserve to get shit on the way that they do. I have to believe that Karma exists or it's all too depressing to handle.

Every once in a while, when I think how sad it is that I haven't had a serious longterm relationship since Boston, I get a taste of how horrible relationships can be and how much heartache is involved... and then I feel relieved. I can't help but think that opening myself up the way that people do can only lead to me getting crushed and I want none of that. Give me the single life, Sir! I'm not impressed by misery.

Dear Prudence, See The Sunny Sky

Things, sometimes, change so quickly you don't know what to do or how to act. And sometimes things go back to the way you need them to be -- and also they are somehow different. I feel like I stepped into a time machine and went backwards these last couple of days, seeing old faces that I didn't even realize I missed. But the past has been altered somewhat in odd ways. So many of the people around me have made these amazing steps forward in their lives, no longer being slaves to the shadow of what used to be.

Life changes so fast and still moves so slow.

I like where I am right now. I really do. This is the realization that came to me Fri night while I sat on the couch at Will & Morgan's, surrounded by people that bring out the good in me. And then again, yesterday, when I spent the day with old friends that I love more than they will ever know -- the type of people that inspire you, appreciate the simple beauty that life has to offer, and enrich that life all the more. I feel so happy, I feel like I could burst!

Also, this summer is shaping up to be amazing. Camping, the 4th of July (my favorite holiday!), birthday celebrations, concerts, summer movies (which, I will readily admit, I look forward to every year like every other film-o-holic out there), sunny skies, mini trips to the west coast and upstate NY and hopefully NYC, more weekends in Herndon (did I mention the Herndon Festival?), and as much time as I can spare with the Dumas and with others that I don't see nearly often enough.

I feel like I am loved. It feels weird saying that, but the feeling is so concentrated right now. I feel open to so much, like I'm ready to tackle so many new and exciting things. Life is far from perfect, but I'm returning to my old self -- accepting that there are certain things that I can't change and appreciating the things in my life that I love.

As the song goes, "I get by with a little help from my friends."

OH!

Did I forget to mention that last week, at work (and totally randomly), I met the godchild of Edward R. Murrow? I talked her head off for like half an hour and she seemed so excited that I a) knew who he was and b) was so obsessed with him.

Just thought I'd say that because it pretty much made not just my week, but my life.

Why does it take so long?

I don't know why I'm writing there now but I have realized that my poor blog has suffered due to my unrelenting laziness. How can a person be so busy and so lazy at the same time? There have been a lot of changes -- and more changes to come! I'm going through the usual soul-searching, but I am much more comfortable with myself and so much more comfortable being alone. I spend most of my free time at home, alone, reading or watching a movie and I love it that way. Lee keeps me incredibly entertained! School is going very well, and I am so glad I have decided to go into journalism because done the right way it is such a service to the community and to the world. I've realized who my friends are, and who I can really count on, and that feels so nice. I don't need anybody else and, frankly, I don't want anybody else. I have so little patience for anyone I don't already care about and I just don't feel like making anymore room for anyone else -- I'm such a hermit in the respect! -- but it's nice being more responsible, quiet, and at ease. My job is well... it's a job. And I definitely don't plan on staying there forever. I will say that two things I'm sad about are:

a) a friend I have very recently come to truly trust and value is leaving me for New York (the state, not the city)

b) I'll have to wait till August to see my dad, San Diego, and (hopefully) Seattle

c) I pretty much know exactly what I want to do in life, finally, and where I want to be, and I have to wait like 2 more years for that to actually happen.

But that aside, things are good. I watch so many movies, it's ridiculous and I've never loved Netflix as much as I do right now. Soon I'll change my movies and books and such on the sidebar to match what I've been into lately but I'm too lazy (that word again!) so I'll do it later.

I'm glad I've been spending time lately with the people who matter. I'm glad that I'm finally feeling more centered.

I'll update better later... I promise. When I'm not so... well, you know.